you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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