I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize