Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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