Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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