I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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