A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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