we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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