hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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