One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
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They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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