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You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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