So drunk its hurt
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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