literally had 100 drinks last night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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