Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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