He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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