I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize