Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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