He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize