He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
soo... how was my night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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