either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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