Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize