she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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