And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize