Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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