I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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