My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Randomize