first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize