I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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