I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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