happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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