My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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