I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize