its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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