Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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