ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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