you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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