My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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