i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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