I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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