he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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