im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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