i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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