I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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