so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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