covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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