I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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