i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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