Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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