"it" just moved
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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