she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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