I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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